I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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