Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
