with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
