I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
