I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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