sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
