so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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