Princesses don't give blow jobs
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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