p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
