I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
