I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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