I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize