there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
