sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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