Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Randomize
