i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
