He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
