well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
