oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
