the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
