the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
