Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
