Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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