they need to just BURY HIM!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize