Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
