plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize