Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
