clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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