Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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