I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
