I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
