Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
