What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
how drunk are you?
Several
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
