I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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