my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
