im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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