First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
