just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
