I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
