The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
