12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
