Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize