I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
someone owes me an orgasm
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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