If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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