I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
