He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
