Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
