he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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