John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
