Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
