is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
