so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize