Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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