where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
