you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
