oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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