Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
