it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
everyone is single if you try hard enough
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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