i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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