you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
