Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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