I swear god or herbie drove my car home
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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