somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
someone owes me an orgasm
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
