In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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