Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
