i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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