I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
