I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
