better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
