I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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