Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
