She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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