I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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