I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
