She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Randomize
