Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
