I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
