sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
