I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
